Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What a Glorious (Rainy) Day.

Yesterday was a glorious, rainy day.  We drove into the city, which took almost two hours because of construction.  Thank goodness I have a toddler who rarely seems to mind long car rides.  He sings and chit chats to himself, and gives the occasional exaggerated yawn.
We deposited our youngster with my in-laws for the day and continued on to the cancer agency for my hubby's regular checkup.  This checkup marked five years since he started into remission.  This December 9th will mark six years since the day we found out and life changed in an instant.  We saw our wonderful oncologist, who has been on maternity leave for the past year.  She reassured us that the chances of this type of cancer recurring now are very small, and my expanding belly assured her that the chemo has not killed my husband's fertility after all!
Sometimes, it feels like a lifetime ago.  It was such a dark time in our lives, sometimes I want it to be a lifetime ago.  I want to forget being sick with worry, feeling such despair and helplessness.  There are things I don't want to forget that stem from that time in my life.  People surprised us with their genuine care for us.  People who just sat with us, let us cry, and prayed us through it.  I want to remember not to take people in my life for granted.  I want to remember how we were comforted in that time, and how to care for others going through difficult times.  I would never, however, wish the experience on anyone in order for them to learn what I have.  I'm still learning from the experience; and I still struggle with it.  I was so surprised with myself that one of the most difficult parts of the whole experience was right after my husband went into remission.  Of course, I was overjoyed and thankful beyond expression.  I think I had been in some kind of an emotional survival mode during his treatments, so I didn't process a lot of the negative emotions that come naturally when your spouse is diagnosed with something like cancer.  I slowly started to deal with the grief, anger, and fear.  I went for a session of counseling, and went through a whole box of tissue in about ten minutes.  Seriously.   Ugly cry et al.  But it was very helpful in showing me the peace that comes from giving up the illusion of control in my own life.  A lesson on which I seem to need a refresher every once in a while!
How much our lives have changed in six years.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow.
Praise him, all creatures here below.
Praise him above , ye heavenly host.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Amen.

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